Don't read my blog until I graduate. Until then, this is my dumping ground for all my negative, emo, bullshit thoughts.

I think that's a fair warning.

Like a pair of old shoes

Once again, school is sucking the life out of my relationships.

without dark, there is no light

adrift
on the
water.

panic.
struggle.
sinking
deeper.
faster.

under
the
surface.

icy.
lonely.
dark.
quiet.
unknown,
yet
familiar.

hit
the
bottom.

acknowledge.
accept.
adjust.
close
eyes.
inhale.

drown........

drown.....

drown...

peace...

peace..


float.

float...

float......

up.

(weightless)

breech
the
surface.
sun.
warmth.
sounds.
smells.
sweetness.
awaken.
light.
love.
relief.

relax.
enjoy.
flow.
think.

acknowledge.
accept.
adjust.
grow.
drift.
live....

peace...

peace..

peace.

Breakfast in Bed...with Barack!

Unfortunately, no sex was involved. I was a friend of the Obama's and Barack and I were just kickin' it, clothes on, on top of the covers, in a waterbed (as is customary, I suppose) watching TV. There was a box of Fruity Pebbles on the nightstand. It tumbled over and, like, waves of Fruity Pebbles were pouring out so we started "splashing" Fruity Pebbles on each other.Then we just started burying ourselves up to the neck with the stuff. I jokingly asked him if he had hired help to clean it up. He said, "Yeah- I could call Lauren. Hahaha! She wears too much mascara."
The End.
Fucking bizarre.

Semester Blues or There Are Tiny, Starving Kids, With Cleft Lips and No Legs, In Asia Who Would Love To "Suffer" Like This. Just Fucking Handle It

7 a.m.
*Alarm buzz*
Wake up
Shower
Twitter
Food
Coffee
Hair
Clothes
Where are my keys?
Where's my phone?
Where's my books?
Love you, Dom *kiss* bye!
Start the car
F*ck, where's my wallet?
Found the wallet
School
*daydreaming about: Dominic. Maybe I should build a garden box this summer. I haven't made raisins for a long time. *dirty thoughts* gotta go to the gym today. that guy in ER was crazy. need to clean the apt. Did I forget the staff meeting at work again? What's for lunch? When am I gonna be able to do laundry? Poverty, homelessness, war. Oh sh*t, when are those assignments due? The ones that take hours to finish yet have nothing to do with nursing in the real world? I have to pee. Jadyn.*

Gym- Thinking I shouldn't be here. I have stuff to do. I've gained 10 lbs in the last four months, though. I can't get as big as I was.

Home from school
Hi Jadyn! *hugs* Can't play sweetie, I have homework to do.
Hi Dom! Can't talk, relax, contribute anything to the relationship, or watch cool internets with you, baby, I have homework to do.
*detatch*
*pout*
*hate myself a little for being so uptight*

Leave to do homework
Ugh!Where ARE my keys?

Sit at the Flying M till my ass hurts and my brain is numb.
-Hmm. Wait. Switch that?-
Sit at the Flyin M till my ass is numb and my brain hurts.

*Associating medicine and health care with anxiety. I don't want to be a nurse anymore. My passion for it is dying. Who did I think I am, trying to go to college, anyway? What am I going to do with myself? My spark is suffocating*

The keys are missing again.
Found them! They are in my pocket that I checked 10 times.


Maybe I'll go out
(When I'm out, I'm thinking I can't be here, I still have stuff to do. But I'm so tired of not having any friends because I always have stuff to do.I feel lonely, needy, pathetic.)

Home finally.
Hey baby! *big, BIG hugs and lots of kisses* Scratch his back.
Food
Jammies
A bit o'LOST or part of a movie
Sleep (maybe)
Repeat 4 days a week x 15 weeks

(Add weekends. Twelve hour day shifts Fri, Sat, Sun. But it's ok. Work is what keeps me sane. Patient care forces me outta my head.)

Thankful to be accepted into a program. Thankful for my job. Thankful for Dominic's patience. Thankful for many things.

One more year. All this will be worth it.
*exhale*

Tweeting pre-twitter. It's called "taking notes"

3/19
18:15
-Made it through TSA at BOI. They needed to pat me down. I guess I just have that affect on people.
18:17
-@Geekdom needs food badly.
1820
-Eyeing the arcade. All my faves are there- pinball, racecar, and kiddie rides. I'm serious.
1822
-Quizno's for @Geekdom=win. "11 bucks for this! Well, with the water it's 11 bucks"=FAIL
-Watching @Geekdom fight with his poorly constructed sandwich. It keeps falling apart. He manages to stay on top of it's game, though.
1825
"People judge a city by it's airport food. "Boise sucks. The food at the airport is terrible.'"--@Geekdom
1845
-Spent $1 on 5 minutes of pinball though I have my DS with me.
1900
-So we board on the back end of the plane. Which end of Oceanic 815 made it to the island?
1925
-Sitting on plane. Made @Geekdom an iPod holder out of a barf bag a la http://tinyurl.com/clvxrv
1928
-Oh, hai, Dr. Who works at St.Al's! (Shit. Wait. Didn't Oceanic 815 have a Dr. on it?)
1930
-TAKE OFF >:D This is the BEST PART!
1945
-No Sky Mall catalog. Booo.

1945 (Pacific time)
-Mt Ranier looks gorgeous. All white and covered with clouds. Looks like a huge pile of mashed potatoes. This means something.....

2015
-Our gate for the next flight is S-Gate. STARGATE!!!

2040
- BK (BrightKite) Checking in at Anthony's Restaurant Seattle Airport.

2050
- Oh man. Blackened Halibut tacos at Anthony's. Mega Yum :9

2150
-Killin time before our red eye flight
2250
-Yes!!! Sky Mall!!!
2300
-Watching Diggnation SXSW w/ @Geekdom. Funny stuff.

2330
-Never flown at night before.

0530 (Eastern Time)
-Landing. It's fun in the My-GOD-I-hope-we-don't-bounce-off-the-runway-sort of way.


0600 (Eastern Time)
-Watching the sunrise at Detroit airport :)

Philosophizing about growing pangs/pains

I like growing. I crave it. I'm excited by new possibilities. I jump head first into them. Sometimes, however, new experiences lead to new introspection which leads to insights that may or may not be so positive.
What do people do once they realize that, through the process of their own experiences and introspection, that they have lead themselves to a point of view which is no longer copasetic with their current state of being?
In other words, is a bird in the hand really worth two in the bush? Am I sacrificing what I know I want for something I think is better for now?
Is this new possibility too new? Am I ready for it? Have other people felt this way in their lives? How often? And what do they do about it?