Semester Blues or There Are Tiny, Starving Kids, With Cleft Lips and No Legs, In Asia Who Would Love To "Suffer" Like This. Just Fucking Handle It

7 a.m.
*Alarm buzz*
Wake up
Shower
Twitter
Food
Coffee
Hair
Clothes
Where are my keys?
Where's my phone?
Where's my books?
Love you, Dom *kiss* bye!
Start the car
F*ck, where's my wallet?
Found the wallet
School
*daydreaming about: Dominic. Maybe I should build a garden box this summer. I haven't made raisins for a long time. *dirty thoughts* gotta go to the gym today. that guy in ER was crazy. need to clean the apt. Did I forget the staff meeting at work again? What's for lunch? When am I gonna be able to do laundry? Poverty, homelessness, war. Oh sh*t, when are those assignments due? The ones that take hours to finish yet have nothing to do with nursing in the real world? I have to pee. Jadyn.*

Gym- Thinking I shouldn't be here. I have stuff to do. I've gained 10 lbs in the last four months, though. I can't get as big as I was.

Home from school
Hi Jadyn! *hugs* Can't play sweetie, I have homework to do.
Hi Dom! Can't talk, relax, contribute anything to the relationship, or watch cool internets with you, baby, I have homework to do.
*detatch*
*pout*
*hate myself a little for being so uptight*

Leave to do homework
Ugh!Where ARE my keys?

Sit at the Flying M till my ass hurts and my brain is numb.
-Hmm. Wait. Switch that?-
Sit at the Flyin M till my ass is numb and my brain hurts.

*Associating medicine and health care with anxiety. I don't want to be a nurse anymore. My passion for it is dying. Who did I think I am, trying to go to college, anyway? What am I going to do with myself? My spark is suffocating*

The keys are missing again.
Found them! They are in my pocket that I checked 10 times.


Maybe I'll go out
(When I'm out, I'm thinking I can't be here, I still have stuff to do. But I'm so tired of not having any friends because I always have stuff to do.I feel lonely, needy, pathetic.)

Home finally.
Hey baby! *big, BIG hugs and lots of kisses* Scratch his back.
Food
Jammies
A bit o'LOST or part of a movie
Sleep (maybe)
Repeat 4 days a week x 15 weeks

(Add weekends. Twelve hour day shifts Fri, Sat, Sun. But it's ok. Work is what keeps me sane. Patient care forces me outta my head.)

Thankful to be accepted into a program. Thankful for my job. Thankful for Dominic's patience. Thankful for many things.

One more year. All this will be worth it.
*exhale*